As a cheap bastard, I HATE it when someone buys me lunch, or wants to buy me a drink. It's the obligation it engenders. I work with a guy, really a nice guy, but he always wants to go to starbucks and buy me a cup of coffee. But then the next day it's like-
"Hey, your turn to buy coffee."
Well, I happen to have a thermos full, I don't want to go to Starbucks etc. And I never asked you to buy me a cup of coffee, and I didn't want to go to Starbucks yesterday!!!
Does anybody else feel this way?
"Hey, your turn to buy coffee."
Well, I happen to have a thermos full, I don't want to go to Starbucks etc. And I never asked you to buy me a cup of coffee, and I didn't want to go to Starbucks yesterday!!!
Does anybody else feel this way?
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Mon, May 31, 2004 - 9:43 AMYep. I insist on going dutch unless I know someone VERY well. And even then, the "my turn now, your turn later" doesn't work for me. $ is a scarce commodity in my life and I may have it today but not tomorrow.
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Mon, May 31, 2004 - 10:48 PMThe work ethic and the money ethic are probably engineered from the ground, up, to denude us of certain freedoms. This smacks of "I'm stuck in the mud, so should you [be so stuck]".
It's viral.
I don't want any part of that. -
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Re: Buy me an interpretation
Tue, June 1, 2004 - 12:48 PMI don't get exactly what you mean... could you elaborate?
Oh, to answer the original question: I have a friend who buys me drinks all the time... I never feel obligated except I guess, for the sex.
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Sun, June 6, 2004 - 8:19 AMEthics are communicated to us, mostly verbally, from the community. These ethics are, in turn, engineered by someone -- somebody had to think them up the first time, and others had to agree on them, for these proto-ethics to have any force on others, who had not yet adopted them as their 'own' ethics.
I think the ethics surrounding work and money (you should work, you should have money -- and more is better) are engineered quite carefully. We are indoctrinated in the schools about them. The whole purpose of the State-run school is it churn out new worker-bees.
This is really no different than the feudal system; schools don't turn out lords, they turn out surfs.
The ethics propagate by negatives: I have to work, so now you have to work, too. I have money to buy the coffee, so now you have to have money to buy the coffee, too.
Or else. -
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Sun, June 6, 2004 - 5:22 PMYou bring up a very good point... it's like when I used to smoke and got pissed off at people who would always bum from me. I got angry because it was like since I buy cigarettes you should do it too.. instead of really investigating the situation. I think a lot of time we don't stop and ask " Does it HAVE to be this way?"
You also bring up the point that ethics, or established rules of behaior aren't just manufactured out of thin air... they aren't "natural" or "common sense" or " human nature" a lot of the time they are things we just take for granted. -
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Mon, June 7, 2004 - 9:15 PMThanks for that, Martha -- good post.
After many years living on a margin it's become a habit to not satisfy other's fishing expeditions for my 'extra' wealth to the point where close friends are still surprised when I (seemingly at random) spring for the tab, even if it doesn't include me directly (like paying for their gasoline tank just filled). I've known (and included in my life) so many people living on a margin that this all seems second-nature -- as I've grown older, I'm rarely taken for a fool, which wasn't true in my 20's.
I still have more offers of friendship and socialization than I care to avail myself of, so it doesn't really go into my thinking what the consequences of saying 'no' to many things might be. I think my friends value my directness and always knowing (within a given context, anyway) where they stand with me. I haven't worked a McJob in so many years that I have little idea what that'd be like, or how it would differ much from dealing with the sometimes-clueless public on a more general basis.
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Tue, June 1, 2004 - 9:35 PMI have a friend that gets me free lunches from vendors all the time. But every time he gets me a free lunch he says I owe him a free lunch even though he hasn't spent a cent. I'm better off with my cheap lunches without owing anybody anything. -
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Tue, June 1, 2004 - 10:30 PMIn my experience, even though I'm still motivated to try to even the scales, it's impossible to give back equal measure to anyone. It usually works out that some people in your life are givers and others are receivers. The giving and receiving seems to pretty much even out but not person to person.
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Tue, June 8, 2004 - 6:56 PMHold the fort!
I didn't exactly buy you a drink the other day but did pay more than my share. I got none of those vibes from you.
YOUR TURN
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Tue, June 8, 2004 - 6:57 PMYou know that was a joke right? I had a great time. Everyone should spend some time with monkey. -
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Sat, June 12, 2004 - 3:53 PMIn our relationship I gave all your probably gonna get before you were 15 years old! But after all this time I am truly in your debt. I really enjoyed last weekend, thanks for being part of it. -
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Re: Buy me Lunch
Tue, June 22, 2004 - 9:47 PMI had a great time too. The dept goes both ways as it should! -
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Unsu...
Fort is holding
Sat, July 3, 2004 - 11:56 PMHey- nothing I said applies to everyone.
Especially someone from central WA.
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